just sayin

foodbank

a charlie brown snoozefest

what is with the animated charlie brown thanksgiving? who is entertained by it? i don't see how it can hold kids' attention and it sure doesn't hold mine. yet almost every year i somehow end up watching a few minutes of it - of snoopy playing ping pong. and playing ping pong some more. more ping pong. ping pong. oh look, snoopy's fighting with a lawn chair. and... still fighting with the lawn chair... still? and the countless long pauses. did shultz even approve this?

does someone have poop in their pants, mr gover- oh, right

oh that's right. no one thinks you should be governor. now you just look like a black-hole-of-pout; exponentially becoming a bigger prick and a more sophomoric, sniveling, whiny, entitled cretin in front of everyone's eyes. oh, and now on tv too.

please don't stop - it's fun to watch

a link with video is worth a thousand posts

conan between 2 ferns

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis from Between Two Ferns

laura croft's snarkiness

"you should try to watch your temper sometimes," jean says occasionally. they're usually occasions following curb your enthusiasm fodder; exchanges with strangers including unnecessary drama, misunderstandings and obscenities. in general, i agree. i sometimes have a bit of a short fuse with people that i dont know, usually when they're in a position of owing me service and they either try to screw me or cop an attitude. rarely do i ever lash out. it's normally a curt, dismissive remark intended to stick it to them and leave them humbled in sorry reality (thanks for taking me down the busiest street at rush hour. funny how that affects a tip, isn't it?"). this is usually followed about 15 minutes later with coming to my senses and thinking the whole exchange was entertaining. then i feel bad for about half a day, before again thinking the whole thing was funny.

the film yard is a bit of a north beach institution. in the neighborhood for about 20 years, it's survived blockbuster (no big task there) and netflix. the employees are usually overly helpful and suggestive and often leave to grab a bite around the corner, leaving a "be back in 5 min" on the door for 10-15 minutes. it's locally owned, small and quirky though, so we usually frequent them for our film-watching needs.

there's one employee of this place who ordinarily wouldn't stand out from the equally-nerdy others, except that she sports a crazy belt that a homely laura croft might wear. it's unmistakable that this belt is intended to have at least a dozen uses. there's pockets, silver things, latches, compartments and chambers. this might have been cool in medieval times, but when you work part time at a video store and the rest of your time as a student at the evil empire of san francisco, i doubt you'll be whittling or slaying dragons any time soon.


Note: reference to belt only. Belt not shown to scale or with nearly as many compartments.

The other afternoon i approached crazy belt to ask where a certain film could be found. she was counting cash from the register, so i waited contently. after a few seconds, she looked up and stared at me. i blurted out a "hi" after presuming she'd open with a "how may i help you?" instead, she chose an irritated, open-mouth head shake and an exacerbated "did you have a question, or....?" There was no turning back at this point. after locating my dvd, i tossed it on the counter to really let her know she was out of line. she didn't care and ignored my adolescent grabbing of the receipt and half-assed signature. not to be deterred, i delivered a "you know, you should be more courteous to customers" before slipping out the front door. she ran out to the sidewalk to yell after me and call me something i wont be able to repeat to my nephews for 10 years, minimum.

i went for a run and the usual cycle began. i chuckled it off before starting to feel remorseful right about the time i was completing my circle in the general vicinity of the film yard. right on cue, as i rounded my last turn, there was a homely laura croft hoisting herself onto her fourth-hand motorcycle, leather chambers and compartments swinging violently as she climbed on.

"hey!", i panted as i ran up to her. "so, i wanted to apologize for how things went down earlier."

leah's face (her actual name, as it would turn out and awfully similar to laura), lit up as she launched into a big apology about her behavior and explained her rough afternoon. after exchanging explanations and complimenting the belt, we're now practically pals and i wouldn't be surprised if i suddenly dont get any late fees.

clearly, i wouldnt be on such good terms with crazy belt if i hadnt given a snide remark. this isn't the first time something like this has happened and to me, it's evidence that sometimes a bit of a temper is a good thing.

blanket helicopter of death

there's developed a mosaic of bird shit on my balcony railing of late. the railing was clean enough to eat off of when jean and i moved in 6 weeks ago. i also used to think there was an obligatory peacefulness when a bird landed by my window in my old apartment. now without morning commitments, however, i've been spending much more time in my living room in the morning hours, apparently when birds like to do their deed and within direct line of sight from where their stupid little bird brains are attracted to on the Z shaped corner of the railing.
after i drop jean off at work in the morning, it's a little chilly in the apartment, so i like to sit on the couch to check email and the daily news with perhaps a blanket on the ready. like the cookie monster to a pile of pepperidge farm mint cookies, birds of every fucking genus are drawn to that corner of railing and that corner of railing only with the same dumb expression on their beaked faces: "hello. have i been here before? hello. your herbs look like nest for my disgusting bird babies. hello. hello? have i been here before? hello."
and just as dependable, this is about the time that i fake that im going to lunge towards the pigeon and whatever the red-feathered kind is. sometimes i bang on the window. they never buy it. so i need to resort to the blanket helicopter. i stand up from the couch like an angry senile woman who just caught the damn neighbor kids on my lawn again and i start swinging the blanket around in angry circles over my head as i charge the sliding glass door. they glide non-chalantly down to the next floor's balcony and im left with a shitless balcony for another five minutes before... "hello. have i been here before? hello."
not my proudest moment of funemployment, but a necessary one.

signs of the season

DG

saw david gray perform last night. i really enjoy his work and it was a solid performance. i find him to be a very capable songwriter, with a real lack of the irritable watered-down lyrics of so many artists, melodies and sounds that stay with me for a day and then make me want to listen again.

why, then, did it bother me to watch him perform in front of a sell-out crowd of representatives from every demographic in the bay area? i didnt discover this guy and even if i did, i wouldnt have exclusive listening rights. it makes sense that so many different people with different tastes would be attracted to his style. for the most part, it's good, safe music that won't raise any eyebrows. still, it waters the shit out of the experience to see twenty-somethings jumping up and down like the school girls they aren't when they hear the opening chords to the obligatory radio hit. in a way, ive made his music my own after countless solo sessions in my car and attaching certain songs to certain experiences. i dont make it my own by dancing like ive had too much to drink and he's singing this song for me, justformeohmygodilovehim! then there was the huge soccer mom working her way down the first steps from the balcony after the encore, sharing with her equally huge companion that "it was a great show!". damnit!

i'm naiive. i'm hypocritical. i'm an ass. whatever.

also, when i become a singer/songwriter, i'm definitely touring in a suit, too.

oval of trust

it will expand again in a few weeks. that should even it back into a circle. for now though, i have one more new nephew with another close behind. i've been thinking about the ramifications much more this time, now that i've had three nephews who i can start seeing their personalities form. what will this nephew be like when he's 5? 35? what jokes will he think are funny? fart jokes? subtle sarcasm? what mistakes will he make?
the closest inner circle of people in your life expands again and while you don't know a thing about this person, you are connected at one of the deepest levels for the rest of your life. repeated thousands of times everyday and incredibly unique to you.