life for the living

i've walked across that exact square of sidewalk countless times. now he was 3 floors up, staring down at that square in the open afternoon air.

i'd always move past the excited tourists in their neon "san francisco, ca" t-shirts, queued around the cable-car turnaround like a giant human question mark. thinking to myself why they didn't bother walking up a couple of blocks to the next stop and save 45 minutes of waiting. now they were all turned towards him on the ledge only in turquoise underwear. young and old couples, friends, families. one could hear the crowds' pleading from there - the urging, even laughing, but he doesnt.

i'd walk quickly past the diseased and deformed pigeons and panhandlers. he shuffles toward the edge, then back. leaning forward then back again.

my thoughts would be on that afternoon's worthless team meetings and client visits, maybe weekend plans. his thoughts are too much for him.

they have been for some time. i'd sit in ridiculous department morale meetings and so would he - maybe right in front of me. i always paid more attention to the dandruff peppering the shoulders of the person seated in front of me than what was actually happening in the meeting. i would've noticed that i would be paying attention that day. he always dressed sharply, so im told. we both took the same elevator and probably crossed paths by the copier or the coffee counter many times.

many of us heard a folklore tale and laughed it off as an easy blockbuster target. he heard the same tale and took it deeply to heart and mind. he quit to make the most of his remaining time.

i'd make it down the one block back to work and head to my team meeting to discuss how much ad space costs now. one could hear the sirens closing in from there, but i doubt he can. probably doesn't notice the city employee hurrying in through the entrance only about two dozen feet down.

my life went on like any other day - with plans, errands to do, optimism, a girlfriend, friends to see, nephews to eventually talk life and women with, supposed to rain this weekend, the giants should have a chance this year, all that.

he hears the employee reach the top floor just in time to discover the door is locked. and he steps off.



a friend of mine saw the scene and reiterated the adage that "life is for the living". sometimes i'd probly think that sounds a touch callous, but it served for a dose of optimistic reality. for a few reasons i think this has sort of haunted me from half a city away for a couple of days. i knew him hardly enough to be considered acquaintances but it's a ghostly, almost tangible eeriness.

tubular

also, "out of this world!" nerdiness knows no bounds, especially when it comes to space. this is one reason why i might as well have taken a small hit of prozac when these images were released from nasa's new infrared telescope. they're of our nearest galaxy (1.5 million light years away) and nearest galaxy cluster - 60 million light years away. i mean, come on - that's f'ing amazing.

by request only

all-time album art

peekaboo research

fox says it's cold, tells gore to suck it

Most. Obvious. Metaphor. Ever.

In the off-chance that we weren't really grasping the almost comically flagrant whoring of the US government and our tax dollars by elected officials to private companies since the start of the iraq war... comes this report from the NYT providing a literal analogy for us.

The new economic hitmen, so to speak

too easy

the human mind

watched a pbs special on human emotions tonight. it really is very interesting and disconcerting how our very own brains can be so empowering or detrimental to our lives. whether we choose to listen to our doubts or don't make a concerted effort to overcome our own subconscious, we can really screw ourselves over. here's a couple of the more interesting points that stood out:

anger: the frontal lobe, where reason comes from, is a "new" part of the brain - developed much longer after the primitive emotions. for some reason, emotions are quickly and easily sent directly to the frontal lobe, but it is much more complicated and difficult for the lobe to send "reason" messages back to shut off or override the emotion. this gives me good medical grounding for why i feel full of rage when watching the new chase credit card ski lift commercial and the customer service "massage dare" only to realize minutes later that i just hate horrible marketing ideas.

depression: strong physical evidence continues to emerge that in addition to its emotional effects, depression has significant physical corollaries/causes/effects. in addition to a spike in "stress molecules" found in the saliva of those with depression, they have found that depressed individuals tend to have a significantly smaller hypothalamus than healthy people and that it can continue to shrink if untreated. the hypothalamus contributes to stress sensory and reaction and is usually about the size of an almond (which is really kind of a sick description i think. can't they compare it to a non-edible? maybe something not brown and wrinkly with a milkish taste? sick). most recently, they have found a couple of treatments that can not only treat the shrinkage (not that kind), but reverse it and grow new neurons: anti-depressants and shock therapy. yea, like randle mcmurphie in cuckoo's nest.