spare some chaange!?

Completely unrelated, but funny

Every so often it creeps into daily monotony: the sixth sense impossible to ignore that things are actively changing for me. It's vague but unmistakable, like a slightly pulled ass cheek muscle when you try to sprint-climb three steps at once and are reminded of it for weeks. Metaphorically, of course.

Sure, things happen every day that somehow effect who I am and the direction of my life. But there are also periods every few years or so when something is pushing me to move forward in life. routine becomes an approaching unbearable state and i'm driven to pursue some sort of advancement. new job? new home? go back to school? whatever it is, it transcends recognition.

last time this happened, i quit my job and went to australia for 10 days. i wouldnt mind going back to australia to "gather myself" for a few days, especially with the way Qantas is whoring itself out these days. dammit though, thats not it.



being blatantly ignored and patsied by potential employers is incredibly entertaining about 20 minutes after the fact, once the solitary obscenities evolve into general bitterness, vacant staring and finally determination to see them and the company they represent fail. it's also starkly similar to what an adult toddler pageant must be like - encouraged perversion of reality to achieve others' admiration. I'm sick and tired of putting on my sequined leotard for you perverts and your corporate lingo and retarded perception of what makes a valuable employee. stop staring at me!

the job market certainly takes its toll. still, a year of searching for a new revenue stream doesnt begin to match the impact of other life experiences recently.

watching a truly incredible person in their last moments of life makes you stop in your tracks. death to me was just something that happens until i watched a woman with no regrets and complete peace breathe some of her last breaths. a life that left no personal debts or grievances, no judgments cast. eye contact with the final wanes of life from a woman who cared so much about others, including me, places life in a surreal light. regardless of one's beliefs, a life lived right is a life lived right.

still waiting to figure out where this all lands, and ive unfortunately accepted that it is not a white beach on australia's gold coast. at least not at the moment. things need to change though and i expect they will. im no motivational speaker (outside of tuesday nights), but ive gathered enough to know that a life lived well is not lived sitting on one's ass.