"I'm comin' home, Dorothy,"

gasped the American president, played by Danny Glover (naturally), and sole survivor (of course) of a giant earthquake to hit DC as he gazed up at an enormous tidal wave carrying an aircraft carrier about to smash down into the capitol and himself (well, yeah).
I'm sure the thought of this scene made more than a few 10-year-olds piss their pants in awe and excitement and gave Roland Emmerich a raging... well, he probably had to call his doctor after 3 hours while directing the scene for 2012.
It's my own damn fault for going to see the movie in the first place. I knew full well that I was going to see what the industry still insists on referring to as a "blockbuster" or "monster of a movie" full of explosions, CGI and Danny Gloverisms (yesterday was, in fact, the most Glover I've watched in my life. Earlier in the day, I spent an hour watching Pure Luck on BET. It's a hilarious 90s movie, but c'mon: BET?)


It shouldn't have been the least bit unexpected, considering Emmerlich's resume includes such shitastic wonders of cinema as 10,000 BC (9%!), Godzilla and The Day After Tomorrow. Still, I consider it a personal fail and a lapse in judgment when I've handed Roland 25 of my dollars to sit in front of a moving picture that I wanted to leave 25 minutes in. That's, like, $1/min!

Still, wtf Emmerlich?! I scoffed so many times during the whole 158 minutes that my scoffer hurt and I was telling myself to shut up. I'm going to become invested in John Cusack as a character because I've seen the same effing dialogue and character structure in every effing action movie? Let's see: let's take the storyline template of divorced parents/dad trying to earn son's appreciation/dad and mom get back together and use $200 million dollars of tape and caulking to make it stick to this doomsday thing. Should we even bother to change the actual words or sentimental music from the last film? Nah, we have to spend the budget on CGI!



It really wouldn't have bothered me so much if there wasn't so damn much of it. It makes me angry to think how helpless I am to not be able to admonish somebody responsible for this crap. What am I gonna do, leave a sternly-worded user review on Rotten Tomatoes for 2 people to read? Yes. Yes I am. Suck it, Emmerlich. You too, Glover.