sales vomiting

Sales contests at large(ish) businesses bring out the most vomitous faces of humanity. Things that you might be disgusted by most about someone's personality morph into some horrific cult-following that both laughs heartily at common sense as if it's out of style and turns normal, adult behavior into the equivalent of eating sales graham crackers laced with morale crack.

"Eat them! Eat your fucking graham crackers or you're fired!!"

If it weren't for sales contests induced by panic, I don't think you'd ever see a half dozen adults pretending to be football players all to force a poorly-hatched and overused sports analogy into making the least amount of sense. "Oh! Scoring a goal could mean a SALE!"

You also wouldn't see otherwise entirely insignificant performances praised with the gusto and feigned astonishment you might reserve for hearing someone recite the 50 state capitals backward. "Wow! You did all that by yourself?! Game on. It's game on! One point on the board!" Who cares that we lost money in the process of sending 16 emails blasts congratulating this "touchdown". Or field goal? Whatever. Speaking of vomiting, these graham crackers are coming up fast, and I think I hear them fumbling around with the plastic wrapper trying to open another pack...

Also, this is funny.